The holidays are supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. For families grieving the loss of a pet, they can be the hardest.
The pressure to be present and cheerful sits alongside a grief that doesn’t pause for seasons. If you’re dreading the next few weeks, or already in the middle of them, this is for you.
Why pet loss grief feels heavier during the holidays
Grief doesn’t arrive in a straight line. It resurfaces around triggers, and the holidays are full of them.
Your pet was woven into your routines in ways you may not fully notice until those routines return without them. The morning walk that started every holiday visit. The dog who greeted everyone at the door. The cat who claimed a spot on the couch during every Christmas movie. The stocking with their name on it that’s still in the box.
Family gatherings can intensify this. Someone asks where they are. Someone doesn’t know they’re gone. The room feels different. Other family members may have already moved on in ways you haven’t, and that gap can feel isolating.
There’s also the cultural expectation to be happy. When everyone around you is celebrating, grief can start to feel like something to hide or apologize for. It isn’t. Your pet held a real place in your life and your holidays. Their absence is real too.
What to do with the grief this season
There’s no way to get through holiday grief without actually going through it. But there are ways to move through it with more intention.
Let yourself acknowledge what’s missing without trying to fill it. The empty space at the foot of the bed or the quiet corner of the living room doesn’t need to be fixed. It can just be what it is, a sign of how much they meant.
Tell the people around you what you need. If you’d rather not talk about it at dinner, say so. If you’d like someone to say their name, ask for that. The people who love you want to support you. They often just don’t know how.
Give yourself permission to feel the grief and also to enjoy parts of the holiday. Both can be true at once. Moments of lightness don’t mean you’ve forgotten them. They mean you’re human.
Ways to keep their memory close this season
Many families find that actively honoring their pet, rather than working around their absence, makes the season more bearable.
- Hang a memorial ornament with their name, photo, or pawprint
- Keep their stocking up, or fill it with a small donation to a shelter in their name
- Write them a letter and place it somewhere meaningful
- Light a candle for them during family meals
- Plant something in their memory, a small potted tree or a winter bulb that will bloom in spring
- Share a favorite story about them at the table
- Make a donation to an animal welfare organization in their name as a family gift
Grief and love can live in the same space. Honoring your pet is one of the most honest ways to hold both at once.
When you’re anticipating a loss, not just remembering one
Some families enter the holidays knowing their pet is near the end. That anticipatory grief, the weight of knowing what’s coming while trying to be present for everything else, is its own particular kind of hard.
If that’s where you are, give yourself room to feel it. You don’t have to perform joy you don’t have. You also don’t have to let the anticipation take over every moment you still have together.
If you’re unsure what’s ahead for your pet, or you’re carrying questions you haven’t had the chance to ask, reaching out doesn’t have to wait until the new year. We’re here now.
You don’t have to carry this alone
Loved offers complimentary pet grief support groups led by Francesca Tocco, LCSW, a licensed grief specialist with deep experience in veterinary loss. These sessions are held online and are open to all families, whether or not your pet passed through our care.
The group is a space to say your pet’s name, hear from others who understand, and find footing in a season that can feel unsteady. You don’t have to be in crisis to belong there. You just have to be grieving, and that’s enough.
Learn more about our grief support sessions here.
If you’re looking for broader guidance on coping with pet loss, including how to support children and surviving pets, our guide on coping with the loss of a pet covers what many families find helpful.
Common questions about pet loss during the holidays
Why does pet loss feel worse during the holidays?
The holidays are full of triggers: familiar routines, family gatherings, and traditions that your pet was part of. All of these surface the absence more sharply. There’s also the cultural pressure to be cheerful, which can make grief feel like something to hide. It isn’t. Pet loss grief during the holidays is a normal and valid response to a real absence in your life.
How do I get through the holidays after losing a pet?
Acknowledge what’s missing rather than working around it. Tell the people around you what you need. Allow yourself to honor your pet’s memory actively, through a memorial ornament, a candle, a story shared at the table. Give yourself permission to have both grief and moments of joy. They can exist at the same time. If the grief feels overwhelming, connecting with a pet loss support group can help significantly.
Is it normal to grieve a pet as much as a person?
Yes. Research confirms that grief over a pet follows the same emotional and neurological pathways as grief over a person. The depth of the loss reflects the depth of the bond, not the species involved. If others in your life don’t understand the magnitude of your grief, that’s a gap in their experience, not a measure of how much your pet deserved to be loved.
What do I do when family doesn’t understand my grief over my pet?
You don’t have to justify the depth of what you feel. You can simply say: this loss was significant to me, and I’m still working through it. You don’t owe anyone a performance of being fine. If you need space, ask for it. If you need someone to acknowledge your pet by name, ask for that too. And if the people around you aren’t able to give you what you need, connecting with a pet loss community can provide that recognition.
How do I help my child through pet loss during the holidays?
Let them grieve openly and involve them in honoring their pet’s memory. A memorial ornament they helped make, a story they share at dinner, a donation to a shelter in their pet’s name: these give children an active way to hold both grief and love at once. Avoid telling them to cheer up or that their pet is “in a better place” in ways that dismiss what they’re feeling. Their grief is real and it deserves space, even during the holidays.